How many people have you slept with? Whenever you’re speaking with someone and that question arises chances are you feel a bit sick. The thing is that whether you have “too many” or “not enough” you still feel weird. This passed week I’ve been questioning everyone I know about this topic. Does it count, and why?

First it’s important for you as my reader to understand that I care about perspective. Very early on one of my mentors taught me that perspective matters. That perspective is everything. Just because our perspectives do not align doesn’t mean one is right and one is wrong. That’s the things about perspective, it makes each viewpoint matter.

So yeah, does it count? The people I questioned gave me mix answers. A lot of yes’s, plenty of no’s and as I expected some people just didn’t know how they felt. I got a lot of, “well if were just messing around I don’t really care” but when considering a serious relationship the amount of people this person had been with mattered.

What I saw very common in my responses was timing and age. These two factors seem to play the biggest roles. For example, my male peers said something like this: “if you’re dating someone who is 23-25 and they have more than 15 bodies it’s a big deal”. All I heard was where was the self control. Many said it mattered when they started having sex. Some males explained to me that it does matter to them and they expect honesty on both sides to give the person you’re dating the option to choose if they’re okay with the number or not.

When I spoke to females I got a lot of: “yes, I care because I do not want to be with someone who goes through women like they’re leftovers”. Another female told me something like this “absolutely not, if you’re going to deduce a person to the amount of people they slept with than you’re an asshole” and wow, I felt that. She followed up her answer with if the person had consensual sexual partners and they have been safe (getting tested) then why should it matter? I also got responses that said people who care about body count tend to be reflecting their insecurities.

And yes I know you’re all like so Pam, the hell do you think? So here is my answer. I don't care about body count. Male or female I don’t think it matters. People are so torn up in these expectations for other people that they lose site of the important things. To me, bodycount just isn’t one. Bodycount is a made up concept that people have established to make an excuses to not be with someone. Honestly speaking, if you find an amazing man or woman and they fit everything but they happen to have “too many” bodies; are you not going to date them for this sole reason?

Sex like many other things are viewed through different lenses when referring to men and women. Too many times have I heard that it’s okay for a man to have as many bodies as he wants. All of a sudden rules change for women and that’s a hard BULLSHIT from me.

Heres my final message: It’s your body. It’s your decisions. Experiment life. Enjoy your time with the people you want. Experience people in the ways you wish. You want a quick fuck? Get it. You want to have sex with the same person for years, cheers to that. You want to fuck two different people the same week, just be safe. Your body, your calls. Your body, your numbers. Your numbers, no one else’s.

Xoxo, P$.